By Harris Levon McRae
“All that lives must die, passing through nature to eternity.”
~ William Shakespeare
A Few Thoughts:
The human life cycle: Birth. Life. Death. We spend a lot of time celebrating two thirds of what we focus on as being the main ingredients of the human experience. Birth and Life. Not so much with that other third–Death. Our family and friends, for the most part, don’t like to talk about death and dying, but it is right here, just like birth and life, to be a vital part of the human experience. Most of us have had both people a lot younger than us and those a lot older than us transition. All of our life journeys are unique, and so too are our dealings with the healing process of death.
How we grieve during death related events is very culture oriented. It is very important to keep in mind that how we handle death is pretty much the same way that the people that are around us handle it.
While many Western people respond to death with a heavy heart and tend to avoid talking about it, there are other people that choose to party! Eastern cultures consider death as a part of life, while most African cultures see death as a journey, and the afterlife is to be celebrated. This is also the idea behind el Día de los Muertos or ”The Day of the Dead”. It is a Mexican holiday where families welcome back the souls of their deceased relatives for a brief reunion that includes food, drink and celebration. In New Orleans, they have a tradition that celebrates life called “Jazz Funerals” which became popular in the 19th century. The band plays heavy, heartfelt songs as people follow them to the church, and kick it into more lively and upbeat jazz music after the funeral ceremony.
Even though all of our loved ones will grieve in their own way when we become nonphysical, we still have the opportunity to help make losing us a little easier to bear. Here are five life-affirming gifts that will keep on giving to our extended families long after we are gone.
№1: Clean Up The Crib
Ever notice that even under circumstances that do not involve sorting through the belongings of a dead person, it’s hard to get people to show up and help pack and move stuff? Even with pizza and beer involved, everyone suddenly has something to do on that particular day! We need to help our loved ones in every way that we can, when it comes to them having to deal with our possessions after we are gone. How to proceed:
- Put on some jams. Grab a drink.
- Easy does it. The key is to go at a pace that you like and start small.
- Get a big trash bag. Glide through your space picking up junk.
- Use the “Four Box Method” for stuff. Throw away, give away, keep, or put in storage. You can usually get free boxes from the supermarket.
- A place for everything and everything in its place. Like with like, etc.
- Tame your wardrobe. Donate clothes that you no longer wear.
- Scan old photographs and paperwork and back them up on an external hard drive.
- Ask for help with moving heavy objects and the Goodwill loadout.
№2: Plan The After-Party (Make Funeral Arrangements)
Preparing for your funeral now will help keep your family from having a big headache on top of the big heartache. Imagine the relief that they will get from not having to decide what you would have wanted them to do.
Keep in mind that there are three general parts of funeral arrangements. They include preparing the body, some sort of ceremony, and the interment. There is a lot to consider and you should be the one making those decisions.
- Decide if you want to be an organ donor.
- Would you like to be embalmed or cremated?
- Kick it at a funeral home, graveside burial at a cemetery, or is there some other way that you would like to be ushered out?
- How much will it cost? How will it be paid for?
- Write down your thoughts and share them with your loved ones in a way that puts everyone at ease.
№3: Draft A Last Will And Testament
“The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.” ~ George Carlin
The Last Will And Testament is what most of us think of when we think about a will. It is the best way to cut through the idiosyncrasies of family dynamics. It is a legal document that dictates what happens with our assets like bank balances or property after we die. It is a great way to let family know exactly who is to receive what property and in what amount. You should include:
- Personal information like name, date of birth, marital status, a list of children, etc.
- An Executor. Someone close to you who is responsible for following your wishes concerning the will. This person will offer the documents for probate (file the will to the court), protect the assets of the estate, distribute property and assets, and pay debts and taxes.
- Estate Assets. Some examples include bank accounts, vehicles, real estate, and jewelry.
- Beneficiaries. The person(s) that you want to receive any assets from your estate.
- A provision for paying off your debt and any taxes you owe.
- Disposition of Assets. Remember the George Carlin joke earlier? Providing as much detail as possible for your family will ensure that your property goes to who you wanted it to go to.
№4: Complete A Living Will (AKA An Advance Directive)
It is a legal document used to list your preferences concerning healthcare decisions about life-sustaining medical procedures (feeding tubes, breathing machines, etc.) when you can’t make them for yourself. It is also used to appoint a healthcare representative to act on your behalf in these situations. Some medical scenarios to consider:
- Organ donation.
- CPR.
- Mechanical Ventilation.
- Pacemakers and Implantable Cardioverter-Defibrillators (ICDs)
- Blood Transfusion.
- Artificial Respiration.
№5: Write Your Own Obituary
The best thing about writing one’s own obituary is that you get to reflect on the many blessings that you have received in your life, right in the middle of being so deep into thoughts of death and dying. As we touched on earlier, birthlifedeath–it all goes together. Writing your own obituary can help not only you, but hopefully someone close to you, get a deeper perspective on dying. And if your family is like most, it will be the only time you get the last word.
- Announcement, including all relevant details like name, birthday, age, and hometown. You will have to be creative with the date of death. 🙂
- Summarize your life. Tell your story in a way that captures the moments that defined you.
- List your “A” team. A list of surviving relatives, those who have already passed away, Chris from college, etc. Remember it is YOUR obituary!
- Include funeral or memorial service details. Public or private?
- Donations. Include any information about charities that you would like to support, if you have any.
- Choose your favorite photo.
- Celebrate you! Email your obituary to your loved ones so that they can share it on social media, or your local paper later.
MUCH LATER. Nice. Way to go out.